Obama to Save Economy by Employing Teens to Keep Them Off Your Lawn

Because Children are the Future

You're doing a heckuva job, Obama. Recent unemployment figures show that we are turning into a nation of hobos, and the reasons behind the economic collapse are, I admit, not all the fault of President O. But we could at least demand that he stop blowing smoke up our asses with hokey numbers from his spendulus plan.

Innocent Bystanders has some analysis on how the figures originally predicted by the administration were way too optimistic. See graph below to further your anxiety:
Now, to silence any criticism that maybe this monstrous $787B program was a lousy idea, Obama says that 600,000 jobs are going to be created this summer. Unfortunately, that number factors in teenage gigs working at the DQ and goofing off behind the cash register at the local Goodwill. CNS explains:

The biggest of the youth jobs program is in Cleveland, where 7,000 teens will be employed to work summer jobs through a $6.4 million program funded by stimulus money. About $3 million went to support 2,500 summer teen jobs in Riverside County, Calif., according to the report. Another 200 California teens will get summer jobs as a result of a $465,000 stimulus grant to Yuba County.

The Desert Sun out of Palm Springs has some more specifics on what kind of jobs the stimulus money created: minimum-wage jobs at state-run buildings so teenagers aren't making trouble during their summer break. Not that teenage employment is a bad thing, but using it to factor into the narrative about economic recovery for the American middle class is a bit sheisty.