Obama-Care to Put America on the Carbon-Neutral Train to Squaresville

Your Mandatory Saturday Afternoon Fun in 2010

If you're a politically-correct American who lives in a carbon-neutral home, rides a bike with matching spandex to work, gets plenty of time in at the gym, and only eats organic shit from Whole Foods, then these new policies aren't going to affect you much. But for the rest of us who aren't total fucking dorks and enjoy having a beer or six once in awhile, the creeping nanny-statism in Obama's health care plan should make libertarians out of all of you.

Many of the same autocratic creeps who brought you anti-smoking campaigns in the 90s to tax the bejeezus out of the nation's working class are back with similar plans for soda, alcohol, and anything else they deem morally unfit. I guess they still haven't learn how to mind their own damn business. From Politico:

Any health care reform plan that Obama signs is almost certain to call for nutrition counseling, obesity screenings and wellness programs at workplaces and community centers. He wants more time in the school day for physical fitness, more nutritious school lunches and more bike paths, walking paths and grocery stores in underserved areas.

The president is filling top posts at Health and Human Services with officials who, in their previous jobs, outlawed trans fats, banned public smoking or required restaurants to provide a calorie count with that slice of banana cream pie.

Even Congress is getting into the act, giving serious consideration to taxing sugary drinks and alcohol to help pay for the overhaul.

The problem has never been that it's wrong to exercise, eat healthy foods, etc. The problem is that it's not supposed to be the job of federal government to regulate the conduct of every citizen's life. Do the people proposing these regulations really think they are so morally superior as to micromanage everyone's affairs? Them and the Religious Right should get a goddamn room.

Obama to Save Economy by Employing Teens to Keep Them Off Your Lawn

Because Children are the Future

You're doing a heckuva job, Obama. Recent unemployment figures show that we are turning into a nation of hobos, and the reasons behind the economic collapse are, I admit, not all the fault of President O. But we could at least demand that he stop blowing smoke up our asses with hokey numbers from his spendulus plan.

Innocent Bystanders has some analysis on how the figures originally predicted by the administration were way too optimistic. See graph below to further your anxiety:
Now, to silence any criticism that maybe this monstrous $787B program was a lousy idea, Obama says that 600,000 jobs are going to be created this summer. Unfortunately, that number factors in teenage gigs working at the DQ and goofing off behind the cash register at the local Goodwill. CNS explains:

The biggest of the youth jobs program is in Cleveland, where 7,000 teens will be employed to work summer jobs through a $6.4 million program funded by stimulus money. About $3 million went to support 2,500 summer teen jobs in Riverside County, Calif., according to the report. Another 200 California teens will get summer jobs as a result of a $465,000 stimulus grant to Yuba County.

The Desert Sun out of Palm Springs has some more specifics on what kind of jobs the stimulus money created: minimum-wage jobs at state-run buildings so teenagers aren't making trouble during their summer break. Not that teenage employment is a bad thing, but using it to factor into the narrative about economic recovery for the American middle class is a bit sheisty.